The Technique
I have this idea about what should happen when you are fourteen: I think all children should be made to sit-in on a particularly nasty giving-birth—not only grim because of sound, vision, and torturous blood, but because of the fact that I’d have rigged this fake birth so instead of a baby coming out a horse crossed with a lama would—so that they think twice about doing the business and producing a child. I have another idea too. That is to have a tea-instructing class every day for half an hour. That way, generations of children would become experts, and the world would be a better place.
“But making tea is easy!” I hear you cry. “This is all a bit over the top”. And maybe you’re right, maybe it is. But at the same time there is so much bad tea being made on a daily basis that it’s a problem we cannot just simply ignore any longer. I have a scientist friend who has worked out all the statistics and he has advised me that in ten years, if the current trend is kept up, the world (or at least
We can’t risk that happening!
But also, I’m not holding my breath on a nation-wide tea-instructing initiative. Not because it’s a ridiculous idea, but because, as everyone knows, the proudest tea maker keeps his technique to him / herself.
What I am about to bequeath to you breaks nearly all the unwritten rules of tea making this side of the val thorens ski resort. Here are the secrets. Just know to always keep an eye over your shoulder as you read this.
1) Pour boiling water in slowly.
2) Press tea-bag up against side repeatedly. Do this for at least five minutes.
3) Be careful when applying milk. Too much and you’ll be done for. Too little and you may blow your own face off.
4) Stir slowly and drink while hot.
Be careful–walls have ears.