Half-Way House
“Please don’t laugh, dear diary: I am a slightly chubby person. That’s right. I fall somewhere between being thin and fat. There is no name for what I am. In the world I feel like a non-entity. Someone there only for others to laugh at.”
OK, that is an excerpt from my diary on a particularly depressing day when I was considering getting some Cheap Liposuction. I don’t feel like that all the time, thankfully. But I think I have a point: if you are average thin then fine. If you are average over-weight (so that as soon as someone meets you they know you are overweight and deal with it then) then fine. If you have a barrel chest then at least you have a kind of imposing figure which you can use to intimidate people you don’t like, or your boss. But if you just have a bit of a belly which is hidden in secret for most of the year then…well…it’s only trouble, there is no way out. (Apart from exercise: have you ever wondered why exercise and exorcism sound similar?)
My problem is that facially, I look like an average skinny-ish man. But as soon as the T-shirt weather comes upon us, the stomach bulge comes forth. That’s when I know people notice. For the first time they look at me and think I never knew he was a slightly chubby one. All this time he’s been pretending to be one of us and he never was, the cheat!
So my intention now is to feed myself up. I intend to permeate the upper echelons of overweight-ness. Before this year is out I will get myself barrel-chested and I will prevail.